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Is this a well written essay?

Question by Josa Pheen: Is this a well written essay?
“Education is critical to stop the cycle of poverty.”
Each child counts because each child has a dream of going to school and wishing for the things we take for granted everyday. These kids deserve to live a in a happy loving safe community where they feel like they belong and are not forgotten. By providing the money for education we can change the lives of these children. In school they will develope friendships and learn to understand life aswell as having teachers they trust and feel safe around. Education will not only help this generation but also many others, it will help these young children grow into the smart new leaders of these struggeling countries.
Education can stop the cycle of poverty, but without an education children have nothing. They grow up without a safe home, without love or belonging, without physical requirements and low selfesteem. Girls are forced to get married at a young age or they have no money so they have to sell their body to be able to buy things we take for granted like food or clothing. They become pregnant and die because of HIV or AIDS while there child is left to survive on the streets. The cycle goes on and on, but if we add education into the life of one of these girls everything changes. Instead of her marrying at a young age or living on the streets she would go to school and develope friendships and learn to understand life and connect with other people. She could graduate and get a good job to earn a living, she could get married and have healthy children and they would have an education and live a healthy safe life. This cycle could continue on for the next generation and the next, but without education all of this is impossible.
Paying for education will not only help this generation but also the next. We should be helping the poor receive more education no matter what their skill level is, we can develope these young children who have so much potential into the future leaders of these struggeling countries so they can lead them out of poverty and famine. Education will give them the skill and understanding of how to live life so they can get a well paid job or have a career and help their community. Without an education these kids can not go far and the cycle will carry on and on. Right now the cause of the problem is corruption and poor leadership, but if we educate these children they can be the smart new leaders of these countries that can be saved from starvation and struggle.
Education is the Cure for Poverty As we have seen all Throughout history, people educated were in power and made good dicisions and changed the world for the better. Education will help people become smarter and receive a diploma to work, meaning you have skills and you can get promoted. It might not help right now but later in life and in the future it will and with a better education it is more likely to have higher earnings. Poor people absolutely need education and skill training because education on its own is a necessary antipoverty tool. All these young people have the right to go to school and get educated, these children grow up in unloving lonely homes but with schools they can form bonds with teachers and make friends and be around people they can trust and be able to communicate with other people in their community. These children have been forgotten by the rest of the world and they need to be recognized because they count.
Just like everyone else these children dream of having a better life, instead of growing up on the streets, getting married at a young age or dying of disease they can go to school. They can get an education and get a good job and be able to provide for themselves and live in a healthy safe home where they can marry and have healthy kids who will grow up in the same cycle, but without this none of it is possible and struggle famine and poverty continues in these countries that are worth so much more.

Best answer:

Answer by Sam
Your essay’s really good. But I would work on some grammar things. Also, during parts of your essay, you’ll stray off topic a bit. Last but not least, make sure you organize it into paragraphs. Other than that, it’s awesome!

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3 Responses to “Is this a well written essay?”

  1. Fantasia says:

    Its excellent. Just make sure to capitalize when proper and put commas.
    :)

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  2. Just says:

    Good work.
    Use Capital letters in you title.
    Every child is important, and has dreams of going to school and have things which others take for granted. —– then start a new paragraph.
    I haven’t read the whole thing. But in your first paragraph which should be short and with short crisp sentences, give the outline of what the whole essay is about. Then in each of the following paragraphs outline a new point you want to make. Build up your whole case and then summarise the whole thing with your last short paragraph.
    Read up what the government has to say about it or what educationists feel, and that could give you more solid points to back up your argument.
    good luck

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  3. triple T says:

    thats a great essay keep a lookout 4 grammar though. sorry bout that b4 wrong question!!
    anyway hope that helps

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